|Trials and Travails of a 20-something|
Monday, March 31, 2003
The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos.
Music playing at the moment: The Ataris - Blind and Unkind
I'm doing a very bad thing. It's been all of 3 months since my last tattoo and I already want another one. This is not a good thing. #1 because I don't have any idea what to get. #2 because I don't have the money. #3 because there's a definite limit on how many tattoos a person can get before they start looking nasty. Perhaps when I finally think of something I need permanently on my body I'll get another one.
I briefly considered getting a band going around my arm that says Life Is Pain Is Life Is Pain Is... you get the idea. But that seemed like such a depressing thing to have on me forever. So that's scrapped. I also briefly considered running a contest for ideas on here and using the winner as my new tattoo. But then I realized that I wanted something meaningful to me on me. Not something meaningful to someone else. Hopefully one of these days I'll read something or see something and it'll just hit me. That is so profound that I must have it written on my body forever. Until then, I'm done. Adios for now.
Sunday, March 30, 2003
I'd make a rich woman beg
I'd make a proud woman steal
I'd make an old woman lust
and I make a young woman squeal
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
- Aristotle Onassis
Music playing right now: Interpol - Obstacle2
I truly believe the following:
In order to be a dateable girl at LeTourneau, you must fulfill one or more of the following requirements:
1. Already have a boyfriend
3. Not interested in me
4. Have some rare skin disease that precludes contact with me
5. Leaving campus within 1 semester
Oh well. Only one more year here. Then I'll have to find new reasons for why I can't find anyone to date. Adios for now.
Saturday, March 29, 2003
My last post does bring up an interesting point though. Where the hell is the book I bought from amazon 3 and a half weeks ago?
Friday, March 28, 2003
I don't have the words...
I walked past my CPO today, glanced in and saw I had a package waiting for me. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that the book I'd ordered from amazon weeks ago had finally come. So I took the little package slip up to the window and waiting patiently for the mail office lady to find my package. When I clutched it in my greedy fingers however, it wasn't from amazon. Instead it was from a place I'd never heard of. Mid-west distributors or something like that.
I took the package to Corey's office, where I was supposed to be working at the time, and hurriedly ripped through the tape with my key. Inside I found my holy grail. A copy of the book I've been lusting over for months now. My life was now complete. After I got over my initial shock though, I searched through the packaging for any kind of packing slip, or indication of what angel sent this to me. I found nothing. Not a scrap, not a clue.
I made tracks over to the phone and called up my mom at work. She assured me that although my birthday is coming up, she was pretty sure that neither her or my dad had sent this to me. So now I'm totally stumped. The only other explanation I could come up with is that I'd stated my lust for it a while back on this blog and some wonderful generous great incredibly nice person decided to make my day. If that's what happened, then I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You truly have made my day. And whoever you are, I love you. Adios for now.
Another problem with sharing a bathroom with an entire floor of guys
Have you ever tried to brush your teeth when some poor soul is emptying his bowels of all the foul garbage our dining hall has put in there? Somehow the two just don't jive.
Thursday, March 27, 2003
Bad Habits I've had throughout the years
1983 - Taking a dump in my pants
1986 - Wetting the bed
1988 - Picking my nose
1990 - Forgetting to brush my teeth
1991 - Chasing girls around at recess
1993 - Making fun of the nerds at school
1995 - Masturbating
1996 - Masturbating
1997 - Masturbating
1998 - Biting my nails
1999 - Masturbating
2000 - Cracking my knuckles
2001 - Saying mmhmm too much
2002 - Cracking my neck
2003 - the jury's still out
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Diplomacy: The art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
- Wynn Catlin
Music playing right now: Metallica - Fuel
The print shop lady is the devil.
Part of my job as the secretary for student activities on campus has become walking over to the print shop and handing flyers, announcements, etc. to the print shop lady. Naturally, since we're made up of procrastinators and often work at the last minute, I almost always have to tell her that we need 900 copies ASAP.
Now this poor lady's job consists of being all alone in a small windowless room all day making copies. If I was her, I'd go a bit stir crazy too. When you walk in, there are copies of hymns, bible verses, and inspirational phrases taped up all over. If you walk in without knocking you can often catch her singing to herself. About a month ago though, she started locking her door with a big sign on it that says "Please Knock." I guess she got tired of us barging in and interrupting her in the middle of a verse.
She is one of that rare breed of people who use their wonderful manners as weapons. She's polite to the extreme. I could go in there and tell her that I need 4000 copies in 2 hours and she'd just nod, ask me what color paper, and start working. She has a manner about her though that just makes me guilty everytime I walk in, like I'm asking her to copy the encyclopedia britannica 27 times just for fun. Everytime I talk to her I can feel her eyes boring into me and my soul recoils. I'm convinced that she knows she makes everyone feel bad about making her work and so she does it on purpose.
"What? You need 1200 copies of this by tomorrow morning? On lilac paper? Well, I don't have any lilac, but I'll go cut down a tree, make some paper, and dye it for you. No problem. I'll survive somehow. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. It just gets so lonely back here sometimes. At least I've got my hymns."
As I said, the print shop lady is the devil.
Dan has needed to do laundry with increasing urgency for the past week. But Dan is a lazy bum. So does Dan do his laundry? No! Instead, Dan is at wal-mart today and while there buys more boxers so that he can go more days without doing laundry. What a lazy person Dan is.
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either.
- Friedrich W. Nietzsche
Music playing right now: Bif Naked - Dawn
psssst...hey you. you over there. the reader of my blog who really likes me, but has never taken the time to show me any material proof of the fact. you know who you are. my birthday is fast approaching. April 28, to be exact. So if you're feeling generous, get me something good. Adios for now.
Is there anybody on this campus who's got a cd-burner they want to let me use? I've got 3 cds I need to burn, but dave's computer has decided that this is the right time to stop working. Warning: If you answer in the affirmative, there's a good chance I'll be stopping by after I get off work at 9 tonight. Adios for now.
Monday, March 24, 2003
I had an epiphany today. A great idea on how to get a little more publicity for this site. I think I should start sending out my own spam.
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I've never felt this way again.
Sunday, March 23, 2003
In order to provide a glimpse into Dang's life,
An incomplete list of the items currently taking up my desk
One mannequin head, named Kari
Three plastic cups, none of them used to drink out of
One huge tin of wintergreen altoids
A cheap x-acto knife
cds by UnLoco, The Donnas, and Bobbie Oliver's Jam City Revue
Two unmailed letters
One TV remote
A random barbie hand
A clock face
Two postcards from random people across the US
Saturday, March 22, 2003
Ever have a day when all sorts of things happen but you just have nothing to write about? Mine's still happening.
Friday, March 21, 2003
If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate.
- Diogenes the Cynic
Music playing right now: Guster - So Long
A general rule of thumb: If you're hungry at 2 in the morning, be very careful about stealing food from a freezer shared by an entire floor of guys. I found some frozen chimichangas in there and decided I could go for a bit of mexican food. 4 minutes later I began frantically scraping my tongue. Then I started washing my mouth out with bleach. It was easily one of the worst frozen mexican food experiences I've ever had. Lucky diana was treated to my outbursts over IM. "ugh! ugh! blech! egh! retch retch retch!!" or something like that.
And if you're a blogger who somehow hasn't yet made it over to Dear_Raed yet, get with the program and go check it out. Adios for now.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
I walked by a tv this morning and burst out laughing. Fox news was trumpeting the fact that "Operation: Iraqi Freedom" has begun. I couldn't help thinking that it was a little ironic that we called it that as we bombed the hell out of 'em. And whenever news correspondents refer to this as a war of "Shock and Awe" I can't help from singing. Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan.....
Ok. pop quiz. Please name, in the following order:
1. First person you kissed
2. Your age at the time
3. Your favorite color
4. Boxers or briefs
5. One band you listened to in junior high but can't stand today
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her.
I had my first major crush in 6th grade. We were living in Alexandria, VA, at the time. Our townhome was located in a whole division of simlar looking homes. Jamie lived in one of them a few streets away. I saw her at the bus stop every day. She wasn't in my class, but I somehow managed to always end up near her on the playground during recess. I used to ride my Huffy around, breezing by the huge sunflowers in front of her house. One day I was riding by and she actually happened to be out. Somehow we ended up walking over to the little pre-fab wooden playground that the townhome division had put up to draw young married couples. She sat on a swing while I nervously roamed all over, climbing on things, sitting down among the woodchips. It was all of like 20 minutes, and I really can't even remember what we talked about, but that brief conversation cemented my crush on her for the rest of that schoolyear.
Every day on the walk home from the bus stop I'd follow behind her and think to myself, "On the last day of school, I'm just going to do it. I'm totally going to kiss her." I had absolutely no plan in my mind. I think my pre-pubescent fantasies of the time pretty much centered around simply running up to her, kissing her, and running away. Needless to say, I never actually did it. I'm way too much of a wuss for that. I'm not sure I even knew her last name. But I hope some lucky guy mustered up the courage at some point. She was cute enough. Hope you've had a nice life, Jamie! Wherever you are.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE!!!!!!
dance like it hurts.
love like you need the money.
work when people are watching.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Ok. I'm stealing eliot's link here. But it was just so good. Check this out for a few laughs.
Monday, March 17, 2003
A life-tip for all of you people out there. Try to avoid playing with x-acto knives if at all possible. At least if your roommate has a bad habit of setting his alarm and leaving the room. I now have a hole in the leg of my pants and I'm still waiting for my breathing to return to normal.
Sunday, March 16, 2003
The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.
- Patrick Young
Music playing right now: Interpol - Obstacle 1
This dorm room is the bane of my existence. The wise people in charge of residence life at this school have decided that it's not quite summer yet. Therefore, the air conditioning system, a relic of the 1980's, has not been switched to cold air. Apparently the way it works is that the water circulating through the pipes is either hot or cold. And we've still got hot water moving through ours. So while dave and I have had our thermostat on 50 for the last 3 weeks, the temperature in the room has stayed at a balmy 80 most of the time.
The real kicker is that we can't even open our window. Screens are something that apparently weren't deemed necessary. That means that if our window is opened even a bit, we get the big-ass mosquitoes coming inside in droves. I already kill like 15 of them a day. I don't need more. Texas sucks.
Saturday, March 15, 2003
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We are all part of the same compost heap. We are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world. You are not your bank account. You are not the clothes you wear. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your bowel cancer. You are not your grande latte. You are not the car you drive. You are not your fucking khakis.
You have to give up.
Bored? Nothing to do? How about a nice game of Mystery Can!
Friday, March 14, 2003
Random thoughts for today:
* Air conditioning is one of those little luxuries of life that should never be underestimated.
* I wonder how many actors get into the business just so they can play with cool guns.
* Sometimes I think I'd be much happier if I was just stupid.
* If you hold a shake between your legs because your car has no cupholder, when you get out it really looks like you pissed your pants.
* I firmly believe there is someone in an office somewhere laughing at me as they change every single light in front of me to red right before I get there.
Interesting fact: Moods is a wonderful game, but I really suck at it. If I was an analyzing person, I'd say it was because I don't express my feelings well in person. But I'm not.
Thursday, March 13, 2003
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Hair brings one's self-image into focus; it is vanity's proving ground. Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices.
- Shana Alexander
Music playing right now: John Lennon - Mind Games
Getting my hair cut is one of the scariest things I do. There's a reason I've waited 7 months between my last haircut and this one. I wandered down to the mall today, saw a mastercuts as I was walking around and figured it was about itme for a haircut. So I went in and sat down. Then she asked me.
I hate it when they ask me the question. "How do you want it cut?" I'm a guy, for fuck's sake. I have no idea how I want it cut. "Shorter." I kind of bumbled through how I imagined I wanted it. I made the gaps with my fingers to show how long I wanted it. The 50 year old lady in charge of the next 6 months of my hair's life nodded attentively and then said, "So you just want a bowl cut." I think I stared at her like she was a martian. No, I don't want a bowl cut. I want it cut like I just said.
Wearing glasses has its inconveniences sometimes. Like when I'm getting my haircut and have to take them off. Meaning that while she's cutting it all off, I have no real idea what she's doing. All I see in the mirror is this blurry image of somebody buzzing around my head. And I see the hair fall in my lap. There's something inherently traumatic about watching 4 inches of your hair fall into your lap. I realized as I sat in the chair that it was probably going to be October before my hair was this long again. How depressing. Watching 6 months of my life fall into my lap.
She finished, I put on my glasses, and recoiled. It wasn't quite as I had imagined it would be. She got the shorter part right. She also basically gave me the bowl cut. I'm hoping with all the hope that is in me that it'll grow out and start looking better in a week or so. Cause right now, I'm just embarassed to walk out the door of my room. My long hair was kind of spiffy. It's going to take a lot of thought before I cut it all off again. Myabe I should just shave my head. That might fix all my problems. Adios for now.
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
Holy crap! I must have this book. If any of you are feeling generous and really want to get on my good side for the next 20 years, buy me this book. Seriously. I must own it. Too many good artists mentioned for me not to have it. And it's written by Nick Hornby! My libary must contain it. Now.
The word arse is as much god as the word face. It must be so, otherwise you cut off your god at the waist.
- D.H. Lawrence
Music playing right now: The Hot Hot Heat - Get In or Get Out
If you happened to be walking across this campus at about 11:20 this morning, you would have seen a most strange sight.
I was rudely awaken, but decided that since I was awake I might as well get ready for the day, do some basic hygiene, etc. I got out of the shower, toweled off, put on some boxers and walked down the empty hall to my room. There I discovered with horror that I had closed my door. I never close my door unless I'm inside or I have a key. It automatically locks when you close it. Needless to say, in my present condition I had no key.
I left my towel outside my door and creeped down the hall in my boxers to the side door. I carefully peered outside to make sure there wasn't a convention of nuns waiting for me. Then I made a break for it. Boxers clinging to my wet legs, dripping hair streaming in the wind, stepping on every sharp rock between the door and my window. But I made it to my window. We keep it unlocked for emergencies such as these.
I pushed open the window and attempted to clamber in as quickly as possible. If you've never tried to climb through a venetian blind, you should. It makes it quite hard to see what's behind it. Meaning that I managed to knock over the huge collection of cds I'd had stacked up on the windowsill. I ended up on the floor, after tripping over a clock radio. As I got up, I noticed a white van slowly moving down the road. So here's to you mr. white van driver. I hope the view of my large white ass sticking out of my window didn't scar you too much. Adios for now.
Monday, March 10, 2003
The number one sign you have nothing to do at work: The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish.
- Fred Barling
Music playing right now: The Pixies - Is She Weird
The grass is always greener...
When other people tell me that they've done nothing all day, just kind of sat around, I think it sounds great. I'm happy that they had the day off and got the rest. When I have a day like that though, like today, where I woke up around 2, have talked to maybe 2 people, and accomplished absolutely nothing yet, I just feel lazy. I pretty much feel like a loser. I should be out there making plans, doing cool things with people, making memories, raising hell. Not sitting here on my ass listening to the pixies and doing nothing. I need a life, not this sorry excuse for an existence I've got going.
Sunday, March 09, 2003
If I were making a list of the 5 most annoying things in the world, I think I would put having a painful zit on the inside of my nose in the top 2.
I think I freaked out the checkout lady at wal-mart today. A list of the things I put up on the conveyer belt:
1 X-Acto knife
1 bottle Krazy glue
1 package bic lighters
1 package small paintbrushes
1 small bottle of crimson paint
Yeah. So my spring break finally started today. I got out any remaining bits of agression by coming back to my room and turning "Rio de Janeiro" Skipper into Shark Attack Skipper. It was a good waste of 2 hours. Although now I'm just feeling kind of macabre and sick. This is the kind of thing that serial killers do, ain't it? Would it be really sick of me to donate it to the salvation army now? I can just see some poor little girls face. "Mommy? Where's her arm? And why is the stump all bloody?" Oh well. Adios for now.
Saturday, March 08, 2003
Too annoyed/frustrated/pissed to think straight...
My parents have come down to visit me. They just went back to their hotel for the night. And I just came back from gathering up all the glass bottles in my room, going out behind my dorm, and throwing them all against the wall with all the force I could muster.
Got 60 seconds? Need some writing inspiration? Check out oneword. don't think. just write.
A thought I had while driving back from Dallas a while ago:
There are dealerships all over that advertise "We'll beat any price on a new Dodge, Honda, Toyota, etc." I wonder if you could just get yourself and a confederate in two separate dealerships and play them off of each other. How low could you get them before they stopped beating the other one's price?
Friday, March 07, 2003
I went out and played sand volleyball for 3 hours today. Both of my forearms have now dissapeared under a layer of red marks. I have a feeling they'll be a little tender for a few days. At least we won.
After witnessing the giant surge in comments over on Nerve-wracking, I've decided I need to get an ex-girlfriend to start skulking around my blog and leaving nasty comments. Might up my readership. Or if I can't get one to do that, I could always just make one up. I'd need a good name though. How about Sara?
Americans like fat books and thin women.
- Russell Baker
I have a confession to make. I am a bibliophile. In the worst way. I went to the crappy bookstore we have in this tiny town last night and lusted after books. And even though I'm currently in the middle of 5 books, I was sorely tempted to buy some more. I've decided I now want to read:
Memoirs of a Geisha
Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About
and Thoughts While Having Sex
I also discovered something about myself. Titles are very important to me. A clever or intriguing title is paramount in deciding whether or not I'll even pick the book up. For example, I'll very likely read the back of a book entitled I Forgot to Wear Underwear on a Glass-Bottom Boat. On the other hand, if you name your book Crash Crater: Intergalactic Space Warrior there's a good chance I'll just chuckle quietly to myself and move on. So keep this in mind if you ever write a book. Make sure you have a suitably eye-catching title, yet one that isn't too farfetched. It's like the difference between Passion's Sweet Revenge and The World's Shortest Stories of Love and Death: Passion, Betrayal, Suspicion, Revenge, All This and More in a New Collection of Amazing Short Stories-Each One Just 55 Words Long (Ironic, isn't it? That the collection of short stories has the longest title you've ever seen?). Adios for now.
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Time never moves quite so slow as when I'm at work and have nothing to do. Naturally I can't tell anybody this or they'll make me actually do work. But sitting here trying to act like I'm gainfully employed is really kind of tedious. Oh well. Only an hour left. I wonder if they'd notice if I took a nap...
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
A letter to the 40 year old hispanic man driving in front of me earlier tonight:
While I understand that speed limits are meant to be the maximum speed of cars on the road, and although I can appreciate the fact that you are not speeding through life, could you possibly take time to enjoy it somewhere else? Common courtesy usually dictates that most cars at least drive within 5 miles of the posted speed, usually in fact driving over in order to not provoke people behind into murderous frenzies. Driving at less than a third of the speed limit on a one-lane road is a great testament to your patience and commendable safety-wise, yet tends to bring down the wrath of the drivers following behind you. So in the future, if you would lift your lazy-ass foot off the ground, actually touch the accelerator, and move your butt-ugly shitty truck to over 10 mph, I would greatly appreciate it.
With all of my love,
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet...
Just spent another grueling 2 and a half hours calling prospective students for this meager college. I am always amazed at the profusion of strange names out there. Do me a favor. If any of you know me when/if I have children, remind me not to call them any of the following names. Names which I had to try to pronounce as I called their owners today. I can think of no reason to curse your child by naming them one of these:
and my favorite...Lchristaron (try pronouncing that one when he picks up the phone)
Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier if I just invented something really cool that everybody needed. Like lava lamps. Or those pinpression things. I wonder if the guys who made those up became millionaires off their genius. And poor me is just sitting here totally uninspired. Number of nifty things invented? 0.
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
Hmmm....3 hours of practicing playing Thisby in A Midsummer Night's Dream has done nothing to improve my manly testosterone-laden image. Somehow the pink tutu just kind of threw that out the window.
Monday, March 03, 2003
Spring break is next week. As of right now, I have absolutely no plans. What that means is, unless somebody gives me an amazing idea for something to do, I'm going to be sitting on my butt here in my room most of the time. Don't get me wrong, the rest will be nice, but after 2 or 3 days of reading and watching tv, I'm guessing I might just start to get bored and lonely. So does anybody have any great suggestions?
My test of a good novel is dreading to begin the last chapter.
- Thomas Helm
Music playing right now: Beck - Lonesome Tears
There are just too many good books in the world and not enough time for me to read them all. I figured out last night that I'm currently in the middle of 5 different books. Usually I try to finish one before I start another, but I just keep finding new ones I want to read and I somehow get sidetracked. I need to make sure I don't find any more or I'll never get through any.
Books I'm currently digesting (in order of start date):
Porno, by Irvine Welsh, on p. 163 of 484.
The Rainbow, by D.H. Lawrence, on p. 275 of 467.
A Modern Lover and other Short Stories, by D.H. Lawrence, on p. 148 of 514.
Complete Stories of Dorothy Parker, on p. 23 of 445.
Homo Zapiens, by Victor Pelevin, on p. 82 of 250.
I need less homework, more time for reading. Or maybe I just need to make up my mind which one I want to read. Adios for now.
Sunday, March 02, 2003
It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.
Music playing right now: The Ramones - Mama's Boy
I'm at a loss. I think I'm starting to come to a crossroads in my life and I don't really want to get there. I feel like I'm finally starting to develop myself, become my own person, etc. Usually I'd say that's a good thing. Somehow in the process though, my parents have come to the conclusion that I'm pulling away from them. Isn't that a natural thing to do at the age of 20? It's not that I don't like them, but at some point shouldn't they stop trying to rule me? A most frustrating thing.
I'm getting tired of lectures. They must know that they don't really work anymore. I'd tell them a bit more forcefully to just kind of leave me alone, but they are paying for my college, so I should probably be nice to 'em. I just wish I could have them as friends instead of parents. I'm guessing that every person my age who's had strict parents feels about the same though. At this point in my life I've got enough of my own problems without having my parents start trying to drag me back to the nest. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow's post will be happier. I'm going to turn on some Three Dog Night, get out my current book, and read my troubles away. Adios for now.
Some days are good. Other days I just feel like picking up this computer monitor, smashing it against the wall, and running off to join a monastery in Tibet. I'm not telling which kind I'm having today. You'll just have to guess.
Saturday, March 01, 2003
It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
Music playing right now: Ween - Voodoo Lady
I made a new friend on my drive to Dallas on Thursday. I left Longview about 11:10 or so. About 11:20 I start driving behind an old grey mustang from the 80's. big crack in the windshield, rust spots on the back. I passed the 20-something guy driving and when I did we did the thing that most people do when they pass somebody. You kind of glance over to see who's next to you. So we looked at each other briefly and then kept on driving.
Except that we stayed within 10 car lengths of each other for the next hour and 20 minutes. For the first half hour or so I was in front as I sang along to Elvis Costello. Then he passed me and we did the glance-over thing again. 20 minutes later I passed him again, singing along with the white stripes this time, and stared at him, kind of half-smiling in recognition.
When he finally turned off the highway, I raised my hand in a farewell gesture and he waved back. I have no idea who he was, where he was going, or what his name was, but for an hour and 20 minutes we were companions on the road together. Hope he made it wherever he was going safely. Adios for now.
My wife thinks I'm awesome.
Days since Dan entered into wedded bliss:
::Required Reading::My beautiful wife
A Capital Idea
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