Dang it All
Trials and Travails of a 20-something
Saturday, May 31, 2003

Friday, May 30, 2003

Thursday, May 29, 2003

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
- Raymond Chandler

Music playing right now: Boston - More Than a Feeling

My most abject apologies to all of you I left comments for last night. It was not one of my most lucid moments. As I'm sure you noticed.

Today I get to start applying for jobs. I've never really gone out looking for a job before. All the other ones I've had have always just kind of fell into my lap. So I'm not really sure what to do. Probably just make a fool of myself. But that's ok. Nothing new about that. Adios for now.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Hooray! To coincide with my change of scenery the blog has gotten an overhaul as well. No more darker side of the night. I think it was always a bit contrived anyway. I might continue to make some minor changes in the template in the next couple of days, but on the whole I really like this new one. Unfortunately, there was no room for the shoutbox, so that's gone. Sorry. I guess you'll just have to leave more comments.

I ran two miles on our treadmill today. I think I could have filled a gallon jug with the sweat that seeped through my skin, but the tired sense of accomplishment afterwards was worth it. Now I'm going to go invalidate that entire exercise by gorging myself on tortilla chips and nacho dip. Adios for now.

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
- Homer Simpson

Music playing right now: Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me

Once again, thank you sinfest:

"Movie Idea: Neo and John Connor join forces to fight the war against the machines. After an intense rave/orgy, they make plans for the upcoming battle. At the same time, the Matrix and Skynet sign a multi-billion dollar merger, spelling certain doom for the human resistance. After an intense rave/orgy, the corporate giants start production on a new line of Arnold Agents and Smith-inators. Meanwhile, back at the X-Mansion, Professor X uses Cerebro to notify all the mutants in the world about the upcoming Mutant Rave-o-thon Celebration 2003. After much Kung Fu, car chases, and explosions, everyone dies and meets God, who turns out to be Jim Carrey. "Alllllrighty then," says God, flanked by a cadre of Charlie's Angels. "Let's get this party started." And Neo's like, "God, why are you speaking through your buttocks?" "

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

All of your cds are finally made. They will go out in the mail thursday since I won't have access to a car tomorrow. Be looking for them.

Monday, May 26, 2003

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.
- Oscar Wilde

Music playing right now: Ten Mile Tide - Never Gonna Drink Again

Coming home has been like walking into a huge spider web. It's going to take me months to pull all the annoying strands of my parents out of my life. They're stuck everywhere. I now understand why people are suicidal around the holidays. They have to see their family. Family who can ask for the 173rd time any of the following questions: "So what are you going to do with an English degree? What have you done about finding a job? What are you doing with your life? Why haven't you done (insert thing I was about to do in 30 min.) yet?" If you can't tell yet, I'm a bit frustrated. I need a drink.

If things don't change pretty fucking soon, I think either my mother or I is going to explode.

Sunday, May 25, 2003

The setting is the 2nd floor of a library. book stacks all around, guarding the two of us from prying eyes. She sees me, pours out her heart, and gets all wet-eyed. I hold her close, her body shaking in time with her sobs. Her muffled apologies fall upwards into my ears. Out of nowhere a gunshot rings out. I feel a sharp pain in my back as the bullet goes in. As if from far away I hear a voice ringing out. "Daniel...your brother's done in the shower. You've got 15 minutes before it's time to go. Wake up."

Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food.
- Austin O'Malley

Music playing right now: The All-American Rejects - Swing, Swing

My brain is an amazing thing, full of all sorts of things. I seem to have a huge capacity for useless bits of information. I can tell you the order of flats in music (BEADGCF), the name of the three countries in Africa that only have 4 letters in their name (Togo, Mali, and Chad), and the brand of toothpaste that Elvis used (Colgate).

In 1990 we moved to Ohio. My parents, wanting to make sure that they made the absolute best purchase, looked at every single house for sale within a radius of 45 miles. On one of our mammoth house-hunting trips my brother and I got really really bored. I noticed yet another for sale sign out the window and caught on to the phone number of the realtor for some reason. In an amazing example of what people can do when they're bored, my brother and I recited that phone number for at least two hours. Our conversation went something like this:

"What's the number?"
"236-1001. What's the number?"
"236-1001. What's the number?"

That number became permanently etched into my mind. Whenever somebody just asks me to think of a number I always tend to think of that one first. Too bad I don't have more exciting things going on in my head. Adios for now.

Friday, May 23, 2003

Well, I'm home. Edgar and I made the long trip back to Kansas today. A 10 hour drive. My foot is tired and I'm making sure my next car has cruise control. I was hoping to have something really profound to post here. Maybe something about how leaving my empty room this morning was like leaving my empty heart or the like. But I've got nothing. I'm here, I'm kind of bitter about it, not entirely happy, but I guess I'll make the best of it. I'll have to try and visit a lot of people though. Don't really want relationships to just fade away. That sucks. I'm off to go put Magda (my computer) together. Adios for now.

P.S. My email address has changed. Since I'm no longer an LU student, they're going to deactivate my account at some point. So from now on you can send me mail at Dang_Olden@hotmail.com. I'll be looking for it.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

so I go visit the bank to close my account. the person at the desk asks me why I'm closing my account and I tell her that I'm moving back to kansas. She says that her husband is from kansas. I say, "Oh really, what part of kansas?" and she says, "Missouri."

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

I got an email today asking if I had any special advice or quotes to give to incoming freshmen. Apparently they're sending them advice in a monthly newsletter and wanted some from current students. This is what I sent back.

Helpful advice for incoming freshmen:

* When bringing alcohol into the dorms, use a wal-mart bag to cover it up. Nobody ever checks them.

* The Sports Page is your best bet when it comes to bars. Located at Bill Owens and the loop, you're alwys sure to find somebody else from LU there on a friday or saturday night. Pitchers of beer are only $4, affordable on that college allowance.

* If you're looking for cheap, good quality tatoos, check out Las Vegas Tattoo, on Marshall Ave.

* If you're planning on having sex, cough up the $40 and rent a hotel room. Unless you're on really good terms with both your roommate and RA, chances are you'll lose some of that romance when they burst in.

* Make sure to wash your hair and face after smoking.

* Sonic drinks mix well with vodka.

* Walking the loop with "that special someone" is guaranteed to get you made fun of. Avoid it at all costs.

If you've never had to withdraw from a university, I'd advocate trying it. You certainly get your exercise out of the deal. I started the process today. I got a piece of paper that I had to get ten different signatures on from ten different places on campus. In order. Needless to say, those ten different people are not all around at the same time and some of them are simply incredibly hard to get a hold of at all. So if I actually get this done in the next two days it's going to be a miracle. Only 6 more signatures to go. Adios for now.

Monday, May 19, 2003

We are rich only through what we give, and poor only through what we refuse.
- Anne Swetchine

Music playing right now: Nothing. although I'm humming the smurfs theme.

It's that time again, time for me to show off my generous nature. It only happens about once every 3 months though, so take advantage of it while you can. I'm offering up free mix cds once again. I'm heading back home this next weekend, where I will have nothing to do except burn cds and take them to the post office all day. Right now the preliminary track listing is as follows:

The Eels - It's a motherfucker
The Pixies - Is She Weird
Guster - So Long
Fiona Apple - Never is a Promise
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Come Baby Come
Counting Crows - Anna Begins
Detroit Cobras - Cry On
Elvis Costello - Allison
David Gray - This Years Love
The Postal Service - Nothing Better
Three Dog Night - One
Our Lady Peace - Happiness and the Fish
Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah
Ryan Adams - Cry on Demand

If I think of any more good songs I'll stick them on there. Or if you have any good suggestions let me know. If you want a free copy of the cd along with limited edition signed track listing, just send me an email with an address. I'll get one out to you. I'll start making them next weekend. Adios for now.

Well, the other shoe has finally dropped. I talked to my parents today and decided that I'm definitely headed back to Kansas soon here. At this point I'm kind of resigned to it. Although I'll miss hanging out with people. I was over at Corey's apartment for 7 hours today just watching tv, eating dinner, and playing board games. Always a fun time. I'll miss a whole lot of people. Oh well. It's time to start a new era in my life. By the way, if anybody knows anybody really spiffy in the wichita area, let me know. I'll look them up. Now I just have to pack up my stuff for like the 4th time in a month. Adios for now.

Sunday, May 18, 2003

I just got back from hanging out with lusby, brooke, freak, and random other people. I'm a little fucked up. woohoo!! got me chereed up a ibit though. hooray for friends who know hwen to get you drunk. not the safest driving I've ever done though. ohw well. at least I made it back. adios for now.

Saturday, May 17, 2003

I own 206 movies. If you round all of them to 2 hours and assume a conservative estimate of only 3 views each, that's 1236 hours. That's 51 and a half days. 51 days that I could have been doing something productive. And that's not even counting all the movies I rent or go see in theaters or borrow from other people. I think I've been spending too much time in front of a tv.

Friday, May 16, 2003

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
- Evan Esar

Music playing right now: Our Lady Peace - A Story About a Girl

I just got back from one of my favorite haunts. I retreated to IHOP tonight with my new book in the hope of relaxing and enjoying myself a bit. I wasn't dissapointed. I think I enjoy that place more every time I go. I walked in and Emily, the 20 something cheerful waitress who's been there as long as I can remember, welcomed me with a big smile. She sat me down, got me some coffee, and asked, "The usual?" I nodded my assent and she left. It's so nice to have a place where they know you so well you have a usual.

I pulled my book out and started reading. It's actually a pretty good book, but I kept getting distracted by the other patrons eating around me. The place was crying out for a character sketch the likes of Billy Joel's Pianoman. There was the 28 year old pushing 40, frantically shoving food in his mouth just to keep himself alive. A couple of 30 somethings sat across from me trying to regain their youth. They spent the night discussing old friends, how they've all gotten married, and how they just haven't had time since they've been jumping from woman to woman all the time and can't be tied down to just one. A couple on what must have been one of their very first dates sat in the booth in front of me. They talked over their childhoods, what they were like growing up, and how their brother used to give them indian burns.

The coup de grace of the evening was the couple behind me. In what must have been some kind of divinely wrought irony this couple, in stark contrast to the one in front of me, was on its last legs. The male half was your typical looking frat boy. 21 or 22, stocky athletic build, former high school football player, cocky attitude. The female component was pretty much a smarter than average looking cheerleader. They seemed fine through most of their meal, but when the bill came she let him have it. I had to surreptitiously write their conversation down just so I wouldn't forget it.

Cheergirl: I heard about your little fling with what's-her-face.
Fratman: What?
C: Did you hold her? Did you touch her?
F: What? Baby, look at me. Look at me! Nothing happened.
C: Tell me what happened. I heard things
F: Nothing! Can we just not talk about this now?
C: No! Just tell me what happened.
F: Baby, nothing happened. And if it did, it ain't none of your business.

et cetera, blah blah blah. Seriously, that place is better than a soap opera. If only every restaurant were so exciting. And to top it off, I found out when I checked my bill that they're now giving me free coffee. And people wonder why I love it so much. Adios for now.

Monday, May 12, 2003

Television: chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Music playing right now: Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come on Eileen

Yesterday I had the pleasure of watching a real live quality 80's movie. Gross Anatomy really wasn't a bad movie. After watching it though, I had an epiphany. I think that all movies from the 80's had exactly the same soundtrack. Or at least the same formula.

3 parts "current" poppy music (cyndi lauper, fine young cannibals, reo speedwagon)

1 part old standard for the big love scene (the righteous brothers seem popular)

2 parts wordless random soundtrack songs for background music (classical works well here)

1 theme song included in the hopes that you'll think of the movie everytime you hear it (kenny loggins - danger zone?)

Put them all together in a large bowl, mix well, add a touch of zz top or eddy grant if not quite spicy enough. Serve chilled. Adios for now.

Saturday, May 10, 2003

The tragedy of machismo is that a man is never quite man enough.
- Germaine Greer

Music playing right now: Bathtub Gin - Phish

In my continuing effort to express my masculinity, I've taken up that ancient and warlike craft of knitting. I went out to walmart yesterday and bought myself a couple of knitting needles and a big ball of yarn. Then I came home and discovered just how tough it really is. I have new respect for all those old ladies who can knit without even looking, like they're just twiddling their thumbs. I, on the other hand, focus all my concentration on making sure I don't drop a stitch. But who knows, maybe in a couple of months I'll have a brand new scarf. That would be spiffy. I guess we'll see. Adios for now.

Friday, May 09, 2003

Music is the poetry of the air.
- Richter

Music playing right now: Blink 182 - Going Away to College

I've always heard that girls are attracted to musicians. In order to cash in, I've decided to start my own band. I will be playing lead kazoo, the instrument of love. I'm planning on getting a guitar case that I can wear on my back. I'll load it up with my different kazoo models and pull them out at show time. If I'm lucky I'll be able to convince diana to join me on tambourine. Then all we'll need is a cheap casio keyboard with a drum beat and we'll be set. I'm imagining covers of 80's love songs. Can you imagine anything sexier than the entire Top Gun soundtrack played on kazoo? I didn't think so. Haven't decided on a band name yet though. If you have any great inspiration, let me know. Adios for now.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

There's something comforting about finding out that peanut butter and jelly still tastes good.

Sadly, I've been very uninspired lately. I've made it back to campus and Dave and I have moved into our summer quarters. It doesn't quite feel like home yet though. Still too institutional for me. I feel like I'm waiting for something, but I don't know what. At this point in my life I want someplace of my own. Someplace to come home to and feel permanent for once. Everywhere I've ever been has been temporary. I need a bit of permanence in my life. I want some fucking roots.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

Monday, May 05, 2003

Today's happy moment:

Watching my staid, conversative mother laugh so hard that she farted.
a lot.

Sunday, May 04, 2003

Haven't seen Holes? I can fix that for you.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

Life is not lost by dying. Life is lost minute by minute.
- Jean Paul Sartre

Music playing right now: They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse in Your Soul

My mom is famous for her themed events. Every event in our household requiring a celebration of any kind also requires a theme. Therefore, I've had clown-themed birthday parties, a spider-themed birthday party (if you want a date, think of Arachnophobia), and that whole night full of games using toilet paper. We celebrated my 21st birthday here today, albeit a bit late. Of course, this event could not occur without a theme to accompany it. I came out of the office around 4 to find our dining room table covered in a crimson tablecloth and set with black paper plates emblazoned with a giant red 3 and Dale Earnhardt's name on them. Not content with that, we also had matching cups, 3 bright red candles in the middle of the table, and checkered flag place settings.

A note of clarification: I am not, and have never been a Nascar fan. In fact, I'm of the opinion that racing is pretty much a sport reserved for the hicks of the world. The type who also enjoy chewing tobacco, pro wrestling, and think Jeff Foxworthy is the height of comedy. So naturally I was a bit confused, but I didn't say anything. I knew my mom had her reasons. It was halfway through dinner that she revealed her master theme for the evening. Being my 21st birthday, we were having a "racy" birthday. And what she was really proud of was that it was not only a racy birthday, but 2+1=3, hence all the number 3's. I made my obligatory chuckle at her clever theme and wondered what else she had in store. The coup de grace came after dinner when she brought out the apple pie she had made and showed us the checkered flag she'd made in the top crust.

When I opened my presents I found a maglite with a number 3 and Dale Earnhardt's name on the side. I wasn't aware that they actually made commemorative flashlights, but hey, why not? After I opened my gifts, we were supposed to go watch Driven, Sylvester Stallone's contribution to the venerable racing genre that has already produced such classics as Smokey and the Bandit, Cannonball Run, and Convoy. Luckily, I managed to convince her that we'd rather watch the collection of Mr. Bean that I'd just received instead. Rowan Atkinson is a modern comedic genius. Almost as good as Foxworthy. All in all, not a bad night. I'm wondering what she has in store for Christmas. Adios for now.

No man has two penises
One man has one more penis than no man.
Ergo one man has three penises.

Friday, May 02, 2003

For the purposes of posterity, please name one memory from today that you would like to keep.

Music playing right now: The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Tonight
Hair Style right now: #1
Fashion right now: Black Phantom of the Opera Shirt, Dark green cargo pants
Temperature right now: A bit chilly in the basement
Mood right now: Nostalgic

I've made it back home once again. My last final was Thursday morning. I don't suggest taking a final after staying up all night cleaning. I'm home until Tuesday when I fly back to start my summer life at school. I'm guessing it will be much slower and a bit boring. Kind of like life at home. I'm always amazed at how much slower the pace of life is here. I can't just call somebody up at 10 at night and make them go do something with me. Oh well. At least I'll have lots of time to finish Russka. That book takes forever to read. Adios for now. See some of you in 4 days.

About Me

My wife thinks I'm awesome. Counter

Days since Dan entered into wedded bliss:

::Required Reading::
My beautiful wife
The Slot
A Capital Idea
eegah, eliot!
Practicing Myrtle
Obscure Store
The Plug


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