Dang it All
Trials and Travails of a 20-something
Thursday, July 31, 2003


Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I think I'm a closet metrosexual.

I was going to write something amazing, deep, and unparalleled. But the TV got moved down right next to my computer and it's impossible to think with it glaring in my right eye.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

My eyes are heavy, my arms feel leaden, My hair is flat and smashed. I have no thoughts. My mind is too tired. It only sees what's put right in front of it. I don't think I'm capable of much more than being a xerox machine right now. Feed things in, spit them back out. Blank to black, white to ink. Give me something to think. Fill my yawn. I need more oxygen. I suck the air in to feed my lungs to keep me breathing to stay alive to sleep. to sleep. I need sleep. and a long hot bath. My skin is raw. Lotion seems so feminine.

Monday, July 28, 2003

I feel kind of bad for not posting my own writing here, but I've been really enjoying Steve Turner Poems lately.

After You'd Gone

No one
like you.
That then
the pleasure.
That now
the pain.

After Some Thought, a Poem

if I grow a
moustache
for you
will you grow a
ffectionate
for me?

One

You make
me whole.
I'm not
half the
man I was.

Lord, Lord

You were hungry
and I was sorry.
You were thirsty
and I blamed the world.
You were a stranger
and I pointed you out.
You were naked
and I turned you in.
You were sick
and I said a prayer.
You were in prison
and I wrote a poem.

Declaration of Intent
She said she'd
love me for eternity
but reduced it
to eight months
for good behavior.
She said we fitted
like a hand in a glove
but then the hot
weather came and such
accessories weren't needed.
She said the future
was ours but the deeds
were made out in
her name.
She said I was
the only one who
understood completely

and then she left me
and said she knew
that I'd understand completely.

Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life.
- Unknown

Music playing right now: The Capricorns - The New Sound


I just finished my first day of work. 9 1/2 hours. But good. It looks like it'll be a relatively easy job. I spent most of the day in a van or truck delivering TV's. I decided that people spend way too much money on something that steals their life away. We set up a $1600 TV in a $20,000 house. I felt sorry for the guy who bought it. I also met my third cousin. He works at the same place and he's really a pretty cool guy. Too bad he's going to college in 3 weeks. I'm tired. I need sustenance.

Sunday, July 27, 2003





I got to see katy this weekend. She made me nervous.


Saturday, July 26, 2003

I'm going to be blogging all day today with eliot and lyz right here. So stop by if you're in the neighborhood.

I truly am a lucky man. I got to wake up this morning and remember C-4,who may be the whitest looking guy on the planet, saying "aight, fo' shizzle ma' nizzle." My life is now complete.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
- Lao Tzu

Music playing right now: The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots


Headed back to longview once again tomorrow. Going to see Corey, Eliot, Dave, Lesbo, Brooke, Freak, and hopefully Katy. Should be a full weekend.

In other news I finally got a job today. Three cheers for nepotism. My grandma is good friends with the owners of the largest independent tv dealer in kansas. I'm not really sure what I'm doing yet, but it looks like probably delivering tvs in a huge truck. I start monday. Which will be interesting after a sleepless weekend and a long drive. See some of you soon. Adios for now.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

I just finished getting my oil changed. I believe it could be the longest anybody has ever had to wait for that simple process. An hour and 45 minutes. 105 minutes. Next time it's 10 minute oil change for me. The only upside was that I finished my book (Black Like Me), and was helped by somebody who called himself "Chocolate Thunder." It almost made it worth it. almost.

She worshipped
the ground
I trod on.

Rejected
and full of
jealousy
I dug up
my footprints.

- Steve Turner

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

I like drinking. It's my parents fault. They tried to ingrain this feeling of guilt in me about doing it. So of course I did the same thing any kid would do. As soon as I got the chance I went out and tried it. The problem is that now I have to hide it. It's a pity really. I think they're just unjustifiably biased against it. That's what generations of conditioning will do to you.

I like the feeling of relaxation. When you turn your head quickly the world blurs. Time slows down. Everything seems possible. Life isn't so bad. You can vomit your words out onto the blank page and they're instantly great and classic and amazing all at once. I went to the liquor store today and talked to the owner. I was looking for something that started with an M. Before I left, I asked brooke to pick a letter between c and q. She picked M.

The owner walked me over to an expensive merlot. I thanked him, picked it up, then put it back down again as soon as he walked away. I went to the back of the store and picked up a really cheap version. I felt like a skeeze checking out, buying something really cheap. I knew the person checking me out thught of me as a person who had no taste whatsoever. I wished I could tell him my life story, let him know that I was just broke and didn't have the money to buy anything better. But I just paid and walked out. Life would be more bearable if your story was emblazoned on your lapel.

I want another tattoo.

Carpe Diem
Music playing right now: Alanis - So Unsexy


Recipe for an absolutely fantastic movie:

1 80 year old woman, infused with joie de vivre
1 20 year old rich boy, obsessed with the macabre
Mix well, add random thefts of cars and fake suicides liberally.

I watched Harold and Maude for the first time last night. A great movie. I would say that it's now in my top 3, along with High Fidelity and Chasing Amy. Both Harold and Maude were played to perfection. It reminded me slightly of a Wes Anderson movie, but much better. As if Wes Anderson is doing cheap rip-offs of Hal Ashby movies. If you're not familiar with the movie, it's the story of a rich, bored boy in his 20's who amuses himself by commiting fake suicides and an 80 year old woman who lives life with utter abandon. They meet after going to the same funerals and become steadfast friends. It sounds like a sappy movie, but it's much better than that.

The best parts of the movie happen when Harold discourages the computer dates his mom sets him up with. The look of satisfaction on his face afterwards is priceless. How can you go wrong with a movie that has an 80 year old car thief, a jaguar hearse, and a giant wooden vagina? Rent it, experience it, enjoy it, love it.

Monday, July 21, 2003


Being stuck at home all day without much to do is sometimes a bit boring, but it also has its plus side. Like today. If there were other people around there's no way I could turn alanis on all over the house, grab a carrot stick, and make a total fool of myself dancing all over singing along.


Saturday, July 19, 2003


Friday, July 18, 2003

Yo, Big Daddy upstairs,
You be chillin
So be yo hood
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it
In this here hood and yo's
Gimme some eats
And cut me some slack, Blood
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me
Don't be pushing me into no jive
Ang keep dem crips away
Cause you always be da man, G
Straight up.
Aa-men.

Somewhere Jesus is crying. Check out the Lord's Prayer in 1221 languages.


Thursday, July 17, 2003

I found out a couple of days ago that my transfer to Newman University finally went through. I was accepted. I'll be going there next semester. Hooray for me.

It just kind of makes you wonder what set of fluke circumstances led to the loss of those two particular parts of his body.

Read me.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.
- Bern Williams

Music playing right now: Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah


I think I can say without fear of exaggeration that since I came home in May I have accomplished very close to nothing. My days are generally spent watching movies, eating, surfing the web, and playing computer games. My indolence has reached a zenith. I feel like I've gained 10 pounds (I don't know if I actually have as I'm too scared to actually jump on the scale and check, but it feels like I have). I think if I sit around much more I'm going to delliquesce into a dan-shaped stagnant gob of crisco. I have reached the nadir of my productive life. So today I am resolving to change all of that. I've made myself a schedule to follow every day, which includes exercise, writing, and a minimum of tv. Who knows, I may save myself yet. The least I can do is try. Adios for now.

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

I wrote this short story over the past three days.

There is no new thing under the sun.
- Ecclesiates

Music playing right now: Black Sabbath - Iron Man


It was nearing the end of last semester when I had a special gift imparted to me. I was sitting in Shakespeare class, keeping myself awake as best I could, cracking jokes with the lovely girl next to me. She happened to have a popsicle stick with her for some reason and right before class ended, she wrote something on it and handed it to me. On one side it now sported an array of stars. The other said "We are all made of stars. Except for this." The tiny piece of wood now resides on top of my dresser. Strangely enough, she was prophetic. We are all made of stars.

Stars burn by fusing atoms of hydrogen and helium. When they do this they release energy, but also build heavier atoms, including carbon, neon, sodium, nickel, and eventually iron. When a star finally runs out of fuel, it can explode, releasing it's substance into space. Millions of years pass and this gas mixes with interstellar clouds. Our sun and our planet congealed from such a cloud. The core of the earth is molten iron. Our home was made from a star's corpse. When you use something iron, you're holding star's blood. Our world is made of stars.

Sunday, July 13, 2003


What in the hoo-ha?



***Surprised indignation and link both originally used by Jason K.***

There's something just not right here. I just finished reading the latest edition of Wired magazine. Did you know that females can sell off their eggs for $7000 each while us lowly guys are stuck at donating sperm for $75 a pop? Suddenly I wish I had a lot more estrogen.

Saturday, July 12, 2003

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy. I'm dating a pregnant woman.
- Ronny Richards

Music playing right now: Buckcherry - Lit Up

Thursday, July 10, 2003


He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either.
- Friedrich W. Nietzsche

Music playing right now: Soltero - The Moment You Said Yes


Feeling generous? charitable? guilty? I hope so. I've agreed to help out eliot and lyz for this years blogathon. If you're not sure what the blogathon is, it's basically an event where people sponsor bloggers to write every 30 minutes for 24 hours. It's taking place on July 26. I think I'll be down in Texas, so I'm not sure I'll be updating this blog that much, but I'll be helping eliot stay awake and I'll probably put up a bunch of stuff on here. Our group is raising money for Books For a Better World, a charity that sends books to third world countries.

So send them your money. Anything will help. $1, 50 cents, anything. You can sign up at our sponsorship page. Your support is greatly appreciated.

Now back to our normally scheduled programming.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003


Monday, July 07, 2003

As soon as I finished jogging today I scarfed down a donut. Somewhere in the world Richard Simmons is crying. effeminately.

There's no such thing as bad publicity. I'm excited to find my beautiful mug up over at the plug, one of the last bastions of unique taste.

In other news, on saturday I got my first rejection letter back from the companies I begged for a free car. Mars, Inc. sent me a polite 'no way jose' with a coupon for up to $1.00 in m&m/mars products. Let's tally things up here:

Costs
Electricity to run computer long enough to write letter - $0.003
Paper on which to print plea - $0.01
Envelope to contain entreaty - $0.03
Stamp - $0.37
My valuable time - $0.0000

Benefits
Coupon for free candy - $1.00

Profit
$0.59!!!!

Think of the possibilities. If I write only 84,756 letters a year, I could clear $50,000 in profit. Time to buckle down and get to work!

Sunday, July 06, 2003

Random Thoughts

* People often say that men who buy big pickup trucks and drive fast are compensating for a lack in the love muscle department. If that's true, I really feel sorry for the people who drive monster trucks.

* Life would be more fun if our faces were made out of silly putty.

* There is nothing quite so amusing as watching a fat man and a midget jumping on a trampoline.

* A 10,000 degree fire can melt the hardest heart.

* I think if I had to turn one of my body parts into an animal, I'd make my hand a weasel.

Saturday, July 05, 2003

I think my grandmother is singlehandedly keeping inboxes the world over flooded with forwards. In the past week, I've gotten two emails containing random unsupported facts about the 4th of July, two warning me about viruses in emails, one chock full of just good old fashioned uplifting advice, and one warning me about black market fireworks. I guess when you're retired there's not much else to do.

Thursday, July 03, 2003

I think if I lived in New Hampshire I'd gloat when I drove by cars from other states. "Live Free or Die" is immeasurably better than any other license plate slogan. Although South Carolina's "Iodine State" comes close.

Lots of women just go out with me to further their careers; damn anthropologists.
- Emo Philips

Music playing right now: Dave Matthews Band - Get In Line


What's the definition of a date? Can anybody help me out here? I kind of like the definition here. "an agreement between two people to meet at a designated time and place to exchange personal information and share some kind of pleasurable experience." If we go by that, it's been 22 days since my last date. If however, there needs to be some sort of romantic connection as well, then it's been 74 days. I think I'm going to say 22. Sounds better.

Regardless of how long it's been, I'm starting to feel the need to go on another one. I've come up against a few barriers however. Namely, I've never been able to just pick up a girl off the street and I don't know anybody here in kansas. Besides that, I've also noticed something kind of alarming. It's getting harder and harder to determine the right age group. Back in junior high/high school it was really easy to pinpoint exactly who was your age. Now I find myself staring at girls and having no idea how old they are. Not that it really matters that much, but it's just nice to know if you're about to hit on a 16 year old or a 22 year old.

Maybe I should brush up on my pick up lines.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

I saw the US Army Soldier Show in concert last night. A great rollicking mess of entertainment designed to boost morale and keep soldiers happy. There was the obligatory patriotic songs at the beginning and the end, but the majority of it consisted of covers of current songs. Of course, since this was a family event, it was kind of like watching a bunch of army soldiers singing along to radio disney. One of the most memorable songs was an exact reenactment of Joyful, Joyful, from Sister Act 2, complete down to the ugly overalls and the people doing handsprings across the front of the stage. It didn't hold a candle to the highlight of the evening though, a 220 lb black sergeant singing Justin Timberlake's Rock Your Body. A truly memorable moment.

People say I'm strange. Does that make me a stranger?

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
- Albert Einstein

Music playing right now: Our Lady Peace - Naveed


I like taking car trips. I'm driving to Kansas City today to stay in my dad's tiny apartment overnight. It's only a three hour trip, but it gives me a good excuse to make a cd that I can sing along to at the top of my lungs. Simple pleasures are best, and one of my favorites is singing along really loudly and badly in the car. Imagine fist clenched, face scrunched up, lungs bursting, straining to put all of my emotion into the verve pipe's freshmen. A sad image, I know. I've always kind of wondered what passing motorists think of me. They probably laugh at me then go home and blog about the freak they passed on the highway.


About Me

My wife thinks I'm awesome. Counter

Days since Dan entered into wedded bliss:




::Required Reading::
My beautiful wife
The Slot
A Capital Idea
Nashua
Dave
eegah, eliot!
Practicing Myrtle
Headsuptheblog
Obscure Store
The Plug
Patrick
Davezilla


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