Dang it All
Trials and Travails of a 20-something
Saturday, November 29, 2003

My coworker in the TV delivery business is a smart enough guy, but somehow seems to lack whatever gene controls common sense. I've been working with him for 3 1/2 months now and never seen him smoke. Cigarettes that is. Yesterday I see him light up for the first time, at a gas station of all places. Amazing intellect, that one.

Thursday, November 27, 2003


Wednesday, November 26, 2003

At least this isn't you.

I would rather start a family than finish one.
- Don Marquis

Music playing right now: Jude - Prophet

When everything boils down, I really am just another piece of white bread in the breadbasket of life. Not even a piece that can achieve much higher than sophomoric analogies. It's worked out for me pretty well so far though. My entire family is pretty much the same. They're all coming over tomorrow, where we'll gorge ourselves like every year. And while it may be boring at times to listen to the same stories and make small talk with grandparents who still think I'm 12, I can honestly say I'm a lucky guy.

The radio station in town is promoting a thanksgiving party at a local strip club. I can't think of a more depressing way to spend a holiday. Surrounded by things you want, but can't touch, getting drunk to loud blaring music from peppy DJs. I'd take boring grandparents over that any day.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Something has died. The space between the back of my tongue and that little hangy-down-thingy constantly tastes like rat vomit. Or Rotting seabird. Even after 3 brushings.
I hate being sick.

Monday, November 24, 2003

The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches.
- E. E. Cummings

Music playing right now: Terry Scott Taylor - Pretend I'm Elvis

14 degrees. That was the temperature when I ventured outside this morning.

I think my sperm has been cyrogenitally frozen.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
- Phyllis Diller

Music playing right now: Ben Folds - Zak and Sara

'tis the season for buying me stuff I really want. So in the interest of codifying the list forming in my head and to help you figure out what you want under your tree, I present my current (it's still early) Christmas list.

1. A subscription to The Believer

2. A similar subscription to Paste

3. The Capricorns - In The Zone

4. Edgar v. 2.0

5. Jack Johnson - Brushfire Fairytales

6. Kosherland!

7. LiveonRelease - Goes on a Fieldtrip

8. Blink 182

9. Alcohol and Religion always go together.

My prediction? I will get nada of the above 9 items and will somehow end up with 3 new sweaters to not wear. But who knows, Santa might surprise me this year. I have a month to hope.

A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.
- Lord Peter Wimsey

Music playing right now: The Exchange Students - Lies All Aside

Eureka! I've got it!

I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I now know how to finance a great new car. By submitting funny, but true stories to readers digest. It all makes sense now.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
- Henry David Thoreau

Music playing right now: Styx - Mr. Roboto

So I realized a while ago that I couldn't know everything in the world. Not to worry however. I have devised a clever plan to alleviate this tiny inconvenience and keep on top of trends. My strategy? Well-placed friends.

I've decided I need to cultivate friendships that can inform me of the best of the music, movies, books, etc. so I don't have to weed through all the crap to find the gems. The following positions are now open:

1. Music friend. Applicants should be well-versed in the classics (Dylan, AC/DC, Kingston Trio, Bee Gees) as well as the newest hip bands. Prospective friends should be able to identify The Postal Service, MC Paul Barman, The Tiger Lilies, Rufus Wainwright, and The Dandy Warhols. Tasks involve listening to hundreds of songs by relatively unknown bands, making compilation cds of the best to send to me, and listening patiently while I explain why I still like Kid Rock.

2. Movie friend. This position will be slightly less work as I have done my best to see most movies out there. It will consume a relatively large amount of time however, as movies are not quick. Applicants should be able to spot the genius in both Harold and Maude and Rocketman. Foreign movies are also encouraged, especially Scandinavian and Bollywood. Titles should be submitted weekly, preferably on thursday nights so as to prepare for the weekend.

3. Literary friend. This position will most likely be the most time consuming. Prospectives should be prepared to read many books a month and forward to me the best of the bunch. Past reads can also be used, provided I too have not already read them. Both classics (Lolita, Lady Chatterly's Lover) as well as contemporary (High Fidelity, Trainspotting) should be perused, although applicants are free to skip any book concerning a 20-40 something female's search for love in the big city (e.g. The Nanny Diaries). This does not include Bridget Jones' Diary, as that is a work of literary genius.

4. General hip friend. Hopefuls for this position should be simply generally hip, knowing the latest fashion trends, what will be in in 3 weeks, as well as what is no longer in. Fashion obtainable from Salvation Army is encouraged. Besides clothes however, this friend should be able to advise on current slang, hair style, and whether or not being a geek is still in vogue.

Applications for any of these positions or multiple positions should be sent to Dang_Olden@hotmail.com with a subject heading of "Will you be my friend?"

Adios for now.

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
- Alan Watts

Music playing right now: Sly and the Family Stone - Que Sera Sera

Some people get addicted to coke. The drug or otherwise. Some people get addicted to cigarettes. For others it's chocolate. I, being the uber-geek that I am, have become addicted to Tony Hawk Underground. I am such a nerd. I think these games have created a whole new class of skater posers. Those who can name every trick invented, but would fall off a skateboard faster than a squirrel on an iced firepole. I fear I am becoming that poser.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

I've asked a couple of people this already this morning, but I'm still curious.

Remember in Conspiracy Theory when Mel Gibson was being interrogated in the old hospital? He had that huge light shining in his eyes and his eyelids were taped open. What would have happened if he sneezed? Rip the tape or rip the eyelid?

Monday, November 17, 2003

I pass death with the dying and birth with the new-wash'd babe, and am not contain'd between my hat and boots.
- Walt Whitman

Music playing right now: They Might Be Giants - I Should Be Allowed to Think

I am totally uninspired. I even went to oneword and did their little thing. Still nothing. I've spent my time tonight making cds, in between watching monday night football and reading Leaves of Grass. A strange combination of activities, I know.

You know, now that I'm looking for a car, the choices in front of me are endless. I should get one that really screams "Dang!" Maybe a big purple hearse. Or something straight out of the fast and the furious. Or what I've wanted for a long time, a classic fiat 500. Now that would be a cool car.

My nose itches.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

Freaky stalker chick won't leave me alone.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Random Thoughts

I have two different pairs of pants whose zippers are constantly unzipping themselves. I must be getting fat.

I don't think I've ever liked a guy who wears his baseball hit sideways.

If I get a boner in church, I like saying I've got a heart on for Jesus.

If you see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, is it safe to assume he's rich?

Is death the greatest thing one can expire to?

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
- Dan Golden

Music playing right now: Blink 182 - Family reunion

So much for just putting air in the tires. I think Edgar died today. I was at a stop sign, didn't see anyone coming so I pulled out. I was wrong. The entire passenger side is about a foot farther inward than it should be. Plus I'm missing a window and one of my wheels is at a very non-copasetic angle. I don't have money for this. Life sucks. Anybody want to fedex me a few thousand dollars for a new car?

Monday, November 10, 2003

My parents are famous for being worriers. As such, they refuse to let me drive Edgar out of the city of Wichita. I borrowed one of their cars to make the 9 hour drive to houston this weekend. Which means they drove Edgar around. When I got back they announced that there was something seriously wrong with his steering. I always knew it kind of sucked, but I just assumed it was because it has no power steering. I was assured it was much more than that.

So, against my better judgment, Edgar was taken to the doctor this morning to see what was ailing him. I was envisioning a bill of $300-500. I got home after work and found out it cost a grand total of $5. Apparently his tires are supposed to be kept at 35 psi and they were all somewhere between 20 and 25. Who knew you were supposed to check things like that?

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

People do not sing when they are feeling sensible.
- W.H. Auden

Music playing right now: The Scorpions and Berlin Philharmonic - Rock You Like a Hurricane

In preparation for my jaunt down south to see the strokes, I have constructed the following gameboard. It works like bingo or tic-tac-toe. Basically, the object is to see how many squares you can check off in the least amount of time.

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

When I grow up, I think I want to be Jay.

Monday, November 03, 2003

I'm headed to Houston this weekend. Going to visit a friend I wish I could see more often, and see the strokes in concert. should be a lot of fun. Won't be so much fun for one poor individual however.

About a month ago Erin (my friend) was asked if she wanted to go to this concert by a guy. Of course she wanted to go (duh. it's the strokes), but she doesn't really want this guy to think it's a date. She doesn't really think of him that way. So she asked me if I wanted to come down for the weekend and go with her. I readily assented and we made plans. All of which is fine, except that she has yet to tell this poor guy that I'm going to be tagging along. I imagine him showing up friday night, seeing me there, standing and laughing next to erin, and his face falling to the asphalt. poor guy. Oh well.

Saturday, November 01, 2003

No man should ever publish a book until he has first read it to a woman.
- Van Wyck Brooks

Music playing right now: Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire

It's November. Which is good. And which isn't. It means that today I'm supposed to start my novel. Why, you ask? Because it's National Novel Writing Month, of course. A 50,000 word novel means about 2,000 words a day for the entire month. That's going to be really hard. I just started. I got 537 words and hit a wall. I'm going to have to do this in spurts. If you're interested however, you can look at it at http://freduardonovel.blogspot.com. My failed one from last year is there too, just ignore that one. Peace the fuck out.

Music playing tonight: Ani Difranco - Untouchable Face

About Me

My wife thinks I'm awesome. Counter

Days since Dan entered into wedded bliss:

::Required Reading::
My beautiful wife
The Slot
A Capital Idea
eegah, eliot!
Practicing Myrtle
Obscure Store
The Plug


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