Dang it All
Trials and Travails of a 20-something
Friday, September 24, 2004

I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born.
- Ronald Reagan, quoted in New York Times, 22 September 1980
Music playing right now: Ben Kweller- Sha Sha

Anybody good at interpreting dreams? I need a Joseph. Or a Freud. I'm not doing so well at translating my own sleep-thoughts.

I fell asleep on the couch the other night. Spent all of the moon-lit hours on a piece of furniture 12 inches too short for my body and only 18 inches wide. I think the cramped quarters screwed up my circadian rhythm or mind or something.

In the midst of the night, the sandman came screeching towards me with a vengeance. I dreamt that my mother was incensed at me. And not for anything normal. When she came upon me, I was in the middle of shmooshing boogers into the coffee table. In three rows. Like a bar graph of my nasal capacities.

In the first row were normal boogers. Snotty, yellow, and squishy. There were a lot of those. In the second were bloody boogers. Placenta-like, red dripping gobbets of nose candy. Not so many as the first row. The final row contained only one entry. A gray, rock-hard, pebble-like snotbubble. It didn't squish into the table as well as the other rows. I was working on it when my mother showed up and started yelling.

Anybody have any idea what my dream means? 'Cause I'm shtumped.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

I've never been a racist, or a mysogonist, or a class warrior. But I've always been incredibly biased against people who keep their mouths open all the time.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Unmentionables - those articles of ladies' apparel that are never discussed in public, except in full-page, illustrated ads.
- Changing Times
Music playing right now: Something by Coheed and Cambria

Despite attempting 21 hours this semester (my biggest load yet), I am surprisingly un-stressed so far. Who knows, it'll probably change once the paper due dates start rolling in. But as of this date, I'm still breathing relatively easy. Well, until my asthma kicks in.

I lost my furniture-buying virginity today. Last Saturday we pulled a giant 63" Mitsubishi TV out of some snooty's basement. The screen and its circuitous guts were encased in a large oaken (I like that word) frame. Set on wheels, the whole thing was about 5 feet high by 6 feet wide by 3 feet deep. And heavy as an elephant on the Angus diet.

Today I was tasked to perform surgery on said set, to autopsy it and catalog its contents as it was deemed unfit to be revived. 2 hours and 83 screws later, I was left with a gargantuan wooden box with oaken foldin' (I rhyme!) doors. I looked at it for a while and mind started a-chewin'.

Set on the sales floor, the cabinet was slated to be sold for $50 and used as some sort of cabinet-like thing for another TV. I gargled on the price for a while, but finally swallowed. $53.15 later I was the proud owner of what could be a mass coffin for 12 midgets. I took it home at lunch and it is now sitting in my garage, waiting to be turned into something amazing.

As of this writing, I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with it. Perhaps put a rod in it and make it into a portable wardrobe. Or install a few shelves and use it as a rolling dresser. Who knows. It just looks spiffy. Unfortunately, the thought didn't occur to me until I got it home that when I move I'm going to have to figure out how to move this monstrosity with me.

Anybody own a U-Haul I can borrow?

Monday, September 13, 2004

My cock crowed once and then fell off
the place on which it perched.
My punishment
from heaven sent
for fucking in a church.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Because I'm a sucker for people emailing me, asking me to link them, and I'm too lazy to go change the links on my sidebar at the moment:

Go check out Alexa. Learn everything you can about being a NYC escort in the midst of the Republican National Convention.

About Me

My wife thinks I'm awesome. Counter

Days since Dan entered into wedded bliss:

::Required Reading::
My beautiful wife
The Slot
A Capital Idea
eegah, eliot!
Practicing Myrtle
Obscure Store
The Plug


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