Dang it All
Trials and Travails of a 20-something
Friday, December 30, 2005

I have nothing interesting to say today, so instead I'm just going to copy a snippet from The Dilbert Blog:

Mysteries of the Universe
There are many fascinating mysteries in this universe. I choose to ignore all of them and instead focus my sense of wonder on the following question: Why do female real estate agents have bizarre hairstyles?

You know what I’m talking about: poofy, disturbingly large, a death rattle from the sixties. If you were to see photos of these hairstyles while asked to do free association you might say, “Liberace…Montana…mushroom cloud… Kaiser Wilhelm.”

Real estate agents put their photographs on advertisements and even on their business cards. I assume this practice started years ago when hot women entered the profession and needed a marketing advantage. This advantage turned out much better than they hoped because ugly Realtors™ jumped on the bandwagon and started publishing their own pictures. Now a prospective client doesn’t need to choose between the adorable and the unknown. He can choose between the adorable and Quasimodo. That removes all of the ambiguity.

I’ve been photographed about a trillion times since I started Dilbert. And I can tell you with authority that the only difference between Larry King and Hillary Duff is distance and lighting. And STILL most Realtors look unattractive in their photos. If you see a Realtor’s photo and she looks less than stunning, chances are that in person she would make Stevie Wonder barf just from listening to her perspire.

If I were to sell real estate, I would use my ugliness to my advantage. No one trusts beautiful people anyway, especially when large sums of money are involved. My real estate motto would be “I’m hideous and I haven’t starved to death yet, so you know I must be good!”

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Somebody was very proud of this metaphor:

New Hampshire punk stalwarts The Queers have been around in one form or another since 1982 and have carved out a name on the bathroom wall of volume with their razorblade rock.

What's the inception ceremony for something like that? One really loud chorus of flushes?

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Who would have guessed that the patron saint of haemorrhoids and the patron saint of cab drivers were the same person?

My first Christmas after getting married and I have to work. Kind of a bummer. Hopefully this isn't the beginning of a pattern. Lots of cool stuff this morning, including a very spiffy Ben Folds Five live DVD and a whole bunch of coffee. A good yule, all in all. At least we get fed at work.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

The Pi-trainer

I'm up to 25 decimal points already!

(I finally quit when I made it to 100)

Monday, December 12, 2005

While I was halfway busy at work last night, Kelsey was uber-busy at home. All I did was write a few headlines and catch a misuse of the word 'effect.' She made this. I don't think there's any comparison. $100 and we might think about selling it to you.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

I am finding, as I get more adept in my new job environment and learn all the quirks of a different system, that my job has a great deal of downtime built in. Meaning that I am left with literally hours of free time some nights while I wait for copy to come in. While some of this time can be used to fine-tune headlines and inspect the nitty-gritty grammar, there comes a point where you've done all you can for that Dear Abby column and you just have to move on.

All of this to say, I'm starting to become bored. I've already started a list of favorite Web sites for reading material, a list of online games (my favorite so far) and even spent some time tracking down obscure research material for that one time where I'll actually need to know that yes, Tater Tots is a registered trademark, as is Trojan (a prophylactic membranous article).

Perhaps I need to start a job-related hobby while at work. An ever-growing list of short words to use in headlines, maybe? Or a list of grammatical pet peeves that I can turn into a curmudgeonly book when I'm a grizzled old copy editing veteran. Or maybe I can just try and memorize the CIA World Factbook for when I finally get that spot on Jeopardy!

I'm thinking about making my own chess board. I wonder where I can get a cheap saw.

Friday, December 09, 2005

"The official winter outlook calls for an equal chance of either warmer or colder than average temperatures and wetter or drier than average conditions for the area. "

Unless I'm confused, this means that basically anything could happen.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Sewer, water pipes linked by mistake.


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Best quote ever from a disgraced Congressman headed to jail:

"And then when I get out I will grab a sword like Maximus Meridius Demidius and as a Gladiator I will stab people in the crotch."

Second-best James Traficant quote:

"I would ask the committee not to ask me any questions, because I've got to go to the bathroom. I'm disgusted, busted, can't be trusted."

Too bad this comedic genius is now in jail and we can't get these gems on the public record anymore.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

I clicked on a random month in my archives tonight because I was bored. It's always a bit strange to see what you were thinking 2 years ago. I have to say, I'm glad I grew out of my "everything is crap" phase.

Relevant quote: "I briefly considered getting a band going around my arm that says Life Is Pain Is Life Is Pain Is... you get the idea. "

About Me

My wife thinks I'm awesome. Counter

Days since Dan entered into wedded bliss:

::Required Reading::
My beautiful wife
The Slot
A Capital Idea
eegah, eliot!
Practicing Myrtle
Obscure Store
The Plug


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