Dang it All
Trials and Travails of a 20-something
Sunday, February 26, 2006

Why does it only take one day for a state to take money from your bank account owed on a tax return but it takes 8-10 business days to get a refund?

Friday, February 24, 2006

No more sock monkeys. This will be my next craft project:

Learn how to make your own Chewie Tissue Box Cozy.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

What did you do on your days off this week? I made a sock monkey.

Picture of the Day:

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Picture of the Day

Monday, February 20, 2006

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
~ Albert Einstein
Music playing right now: The Rentals - Friends of P.

I'm very happy I kissed my wife on our first date.

For a long time I struggled against the idea. Kelsey and I had a longstanding disagreement about what constituted our first date. I said it was either the first time we met at Kelly's Irish Pub or the first time I went to her place to watch a movie. She persuasively argued that I simply invited myself over both times. It wasn't until a party put on by my college newspaper adviser that I plucked up the courage to invite her somewhere. I'm glad I finally gave in and accepted her version.

The night of the shindig, the two of us drove over to Nick's house, both slightly nervous and not sure what to expect. At that point I had only been working at The Vantage for three or four months and I knew perhaps five of the people who were expected to attend, at the most. Kelsey knew none, besides me. And she didn't even know me that well. It all worked out pretty well, though. Our lack of companions made it much easier for us to slink off to a couch and hang out by ourselves.

Sitting on the couch, I relieved my date anxiety by impressing Kelsey with a series of magic tricks that I'm sure were devastatingly impressive. I still get made fun of for those. Finally, I worked up the courage to reach out and hold her hand, in a move that rivaled the smoothest of junior high heartbreakers.

If my hand-holding maneuver were to be described with an animal metaphor, Kelsey would probably characterize it as a petrified guinea pig, furtively darting from one shelter into another in a dead sprint, to snatch a morsel of food. I would prefer to describe it as a King Cobra, head striking its prey with deadly accuracy and no thought of denial. Either way, it was unnaturally quick. The way Kelsey talks about it, it came out of nowhere and had all the panache of farting in an elevator.

But it worked. And we had a good time on that couch. Talking every once in a while. Mostly just sitting and letting the rest of the party flow around us. And at the end of the evening I took her back to her apartment, where I mustered my courage again and leaned in for a kiss.

I'm glad it was on our first date. It says something about the instant attraction; it's reminiscent of cheesy romantic comedies, where two sets of eyes glue themselves together and block everything else out in their mission to bring their respective faces together. It wasn't quite as contrived and schlocky as that, but I don't mind people getting that idea when I mention it. Kelsey and I were meant for each other. And we have a kiss on our very first date to prove it.

Picture of the Day:

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Skeletons in Alito's closet? Is he an undercover assassin? Check out this brief from the Purdue newspaper.

More here.

It's articles like this that make me realize there's a reason we're getting nowhere in Iraq.

I think all of the radio stations in town have joined together and placed a bug in my car so that they know exactly when I start it up and turn on the radio. That way they can all start playing commercials at precisely the same time and none of them have to start a song until 30 seconds before I pull into the parking lot at work.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Finally, Kelsey and I are getting out of the house tonight and doing something fun. If you're lucky, something interesting will happen and you'll hear about it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Picture of the Day

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

(Valentine's Day) Picture of the Day

We can't quite decide if the world is growing worse, or if the reporters are just working harder. ~The Houghton Line, November 1965
Music playing right now: Ben Taylor - Another Run Around the Sun

The good people at Testy Copy Editors have been sharing some of the bad lead paragraphs to news stories they've encountered over the years. A couple of my favorites:

It's spring, and the hills echo with the booming of prairie chickens in their mating season, making much more noise than the candidates running for the Flint Hills school board.


(Pitcher's name) can count the number of runs the team has scored in his last three starts on the fingers of a hand that has had all the fingers chopped off.

Reporters can be funny.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

His ignorance is encyclopedic
~ Abba Eban

Inspired by A.J. Jacobs' feat of reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica in a year, I've decided to make better use of my spare time at work. I've decided to attempt reading every wikipedia entry from ? to Zaldy Zshornack. There's only 969,905 articles. How long can it take? So far tonight I've learned that there's a special punctuation for annotating chess matches, ? & the Mysterians were the first U.S. band to labeled "punk rock," and the slippery devil's staircase is not nearly as exciting as it sounds. And did you know there's a name for that question mark/exclamation point punctuation?! It's the slightly dirty-sounding interrobang. But no need to rest on my laurels, The exciting world of @ awaits.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Picture of the Day

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
~ Douglas Adams
Music playing right now: The Nields - I Need a Doctor

If I had to name my one major flaw, it would have to be my weakness for bad jokes. (I know, it's crazy to think I have any flaws, but suspend your belief for a moment.) I watched Lethal Weapon for about the 8th time today and remembered just how great a job the Mr. Shane Black did writing that flick.

My favorite part has to be when Riggs has just overpowered the guards holding Murtaugh and his daughter and they're about to bust outta there. He runs up to Murtaugh, dripping blood and sweat and says, "What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? Let's get the flock out of here."

Now, if that's not comic genius I don't know what is. In a similar tone, Neil told me a pretty dumb joke a while back (Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!) that I then had to go and repeat to everybody I knew.

I think this weakness may stem from my fondness for wordplay and puns in general. But no matter the source, I have to give credit to my wife for putting up with my incredibly bad jokes every day. A model of patience, she is. Will I ever get over this flaw? Stop making people groan and learn some real jokes? Perhaps, but like a midget at a urinal, you're just going to have to stay on your toes.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The background: Kelsey and I moved to Myrtle Beach in November without knowing anybody and without contacts.

The problem: After three months, we have made few friends and still spend most nights hanging out with each other. While there is nobody more awesome and cool than us, it would be nice to see other people once in a while. Note: The few people we have gotten to known a bit more are very nice. For instance, Patrick and Neil are a blast. But with working nights and other people actually having lives and other commitments, we seldom get together with anybody outside of work.

Possible solution #1: Volunteer at the hospital in our spare time. Meet other volunteers as well as patients who look like they'd be fun to spend time with if they were healthy.
Flaw: We're not that nice.

Possible solution #2: Join a church, meet neat friends in Sunday School.
Flaw: We have yet to find a church we like enough to return to. And besides Nash, what church friend would go hang out at the bar on Saturday night?

Possible solution #3: Meet people through the Internet.
Flaw: A quick search of Xanga's Myrtle Beach metro area reveals that all 4,000 members in the area are the same 14-year-old girl.

Possible solution #4: Use the extra time to become fluent in Latin.
Flaw: Tim still has my copy of Wheelock's Latin.

So we're stumped. Anybody out there have other good ideas?

Picture of the Day

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Picture(s) of the Day
Apologies for the blurriness

Perhaps tomorrow we'll have a finished product to show.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Picture of the Day

Mmmm...homemade pita bread...

Monday, February 06, 2006

Picture of the (last 3) day(s)
and first part of my application to be a 'Live Mannequin'

Sunday, February 05, 2006

I found the perfect second job for myself while looking at our local mall's Web site:

Giti -- Model / Live Mannequin (weekends of spring break): Walk around store, pose in windows/entrance wearing Giti attire. Volunteer basis only. No pay available. Perfect experience for a future model. Recieve employee discounts while on duty.Contact: Sey (store manager) (843.839.1300)

Saturday, February 04, 2006

So home, traveler, past the newspaper language factory under Union Station railroad bridge on Douglas to the center of the Vortex, calmly returned to Hotel Eaton.

Are we home yet?

Friday, February 03, 2006

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
~ Will Rogers

Kelsey and I decided yesterday to commit a portion of our monthly budget for fun towards a Netflix membership, which means we now have to assemble a list of movies we want to add to our queue. So if you have any suggestions of flicks that caught your interest, feel free to add your input.

Picture of the Day

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Important information gleaned from recent personal experience:
The sell-by date (or perhaps expiration date, it doesn't specify which) on a yogurt container is only a suggestion. As long as you keep it sealed and forget about it in the back of your fridge, a pint of yogurt can last over 3 months past the printed date with a minimum of ill effects. At least not yet. I guess we'll see what happens in the next few days.

Picture of the Day

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Picture of the Day

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven't got the joke yet.
~ Oliver Herford
Music playing right now: Matisyahu - Genius

I was excited for about 5 minutes when Kelsey told me that Matisyahu was playing a show relatively nearby in two weeks. That is, until we discovered that it's already sold out. I'll just have to wait for the Jenny Lewis concert in March.

About Me

My wife thinks I'm awesome. Counter

Days since Dan entered into wedded bliss:

::Required Reading::
My beautiful wife
The Slot
A Capital Idea
eegah, eliot!
Practicing Myrtle
Obscure Store
The Plug


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