Dang it All
Trials and Travails of a 20-something
Saturday, January 13, 2007

All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.
~ Cynthia Heimel

For the last couple of months, Lifetime has been doggedly interrupting my reruns of Will and Grace to peddle their new dating show, "Gay, Straight or Taken?" (which incidentally has one of the most inane catchphrases ever dreamed up: "Do you have GST?" I don't know; perhaps you could tell me what that means, and then I'll let you know.)
Basically, the show involves a woman trying to deduce which of three prospective bachelors is actually available for her. If she chooses wrong, the gay or taken man gets the prize. If she chooses right, she receives "a luxurious dream getaway for her and this available bachelor."
Now, I can kind of see the draw for the straight guy. I mean, who wouldn't want to go on vacation with a shallow, vapid person you just met that morning?
And I understand how the whole thing might just be fun for the gay guy.
But the taken one? First of all, how taken can you be if you're trying to convince someone else to fall for you? Second, what sane woman is going to let her man pretend to fawn all over someone else, whether it's for a luxurious prize or not?

I can just see the conversation now:
Him: Honey, I'm going to be on this TV show where I have to pretend to enjoy making out with this attractive girl. But I won't really like it, I promise. And it's all for us, so we can finally take that honeymoon we've been dreaming about since we got you knocked up. So don't worry.
Her: Will there be a hot tub involved?
Him: I'm not sure you heard me. It's a dating TV show.
Her: Oh yeah. Well, be sure to pack some flip-flops, sweetie!


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